Is it possible that he does not know what he is doing? Should I give him another chace? I am completly drained?

To make a long story short... I just moved out of state with my boyfriend of 4 yrs. Things have not always been the greatest. He has been physically abusive and that has haulted. He has not laid a hand on me in 3 yrs (but he has raised his hand to me). He is verbally abusive to the extreme. He calls me these names, just to name a few: cu*t bag, cu*t, c*ntly, dumb bi*ch, jacoffasaurus (character from south park???) says i come from a loser family, and a few more. he rarely apologizes for these things. sometimes he waits until hours after and then instead of apologizing he will try to ask me for . and not in a sweet way either... so i refuse. i dont care how it makes him feel. he said those things to me without a care in the world, right? well, his mom came to visit and i was telling her that i was thinking of leaving. we just are not compatible. he has torn down my last shread of confidence and i cant take it... i have visions of killing him.. is that normal? i know i would not, but i would really like to hurt him sometimes. i told her all the names and some stories and situations and she basically told me That is how all men are... They are jerks.. You just have to learn to not get emotional anymore...It might take you a while but you will develope a thick skin and those things will just roll right off of you. And then when you start to ignor them they will realize how much of an they are being She also told me that she has been with a man for about 10 years who has called her names that are similar, but she just deals with it the way she instructed me to. He pays her mortgage, if that makes any difference. My bf was subject to this for 10 years of his life. He grew up without a dad too. Is it possible that because his mom has such a pive attitude about being verbally abused maybe he does too. Obviously he was subject to this and it does not seem to me that she taught him to treat women with the respect they deserve because she was not treated with respect herself. I know that I am not a perfect person by any means. I argue with him and say nasty things to him. But I apologize. And even worse I even find myself apologizing to him for things that he has said and done to me. He says I bring it on myself. He has even said Say that you are a dumb bit*ch! That is the only way I will accept your apology and sadly enough I have degraded myself just to make him happy. I am just so tired of trying to find ways to work it out. Everytime I ask him what WE need to do to change he always brings it back to something that I need to do in order for him to change about himself. I am sick of being the one to change. I dropped my friends, moved out of state b/c of his job, changed me all together...